My room smells like vodka and shame
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize