he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
