Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
nutella sex= disaster
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
