I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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