You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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