...so i touched it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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