Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
