Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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