Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
