I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
