I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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