went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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