maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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