I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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