mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
