smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So many bounce houses so little time
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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