Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
