hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
