There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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