Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
