dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
