After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
