Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
