I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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