i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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