Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
