Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
