based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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