Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
