Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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