I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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