i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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