Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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