I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
