it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
