someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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