when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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