Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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