I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
