I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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