we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
