He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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