just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just tell him i said nine months
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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