I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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