I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
