he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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