We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
