Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
