By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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