he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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