im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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