its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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