well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
