Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
