in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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