the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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