is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
