i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize