My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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