Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
