2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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