i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
