WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
