I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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