Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
