Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
