Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
