i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
