all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
