I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
