Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
