I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
