So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
