I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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