You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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