oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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