She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
