So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
