I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
